She Didn't Make It
by perpetualpathology
Summary: An alternative ending to Jac's Caesarian :)


**This is an alternative ending to Jac giving birth and is set when Jean and Jac are in recovery whilst they anxiously await her baby's fate :) Also, Bonnie doesn't exist in this! Sorry I haven't written a Holby fic for 2 months but I've been focussing more on casualty for now :)**

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Jac sat, as she absentmindedly listened to what Jean Rimini was saying to her when suddenly, Jonny opened the door to the recovery room. Jac's heart sunk as she noticed that rather than bursting through the door to share great news, he had opened it gently and then silently closed it behind him before he stood besides Jac's bed and held her hand.

"She didn't make it." Jonny whispered before tears dripped out of his eyes and rolled down his cheek. "Can you give us a minute please?" Jonny managed to ask with the lump in his throat and Jean gave a small nod as she quietly left the room, leaving just the pair alone. "Jac, I know you probably want to shut down and run away from everyone, but right now, you and me need to stick together okay? No one else in the world knows how we're feeling. And we have no one else but each other." Jonny pleaded for her cooperation for just this one time, and as he looked up, he noticed that she was doing everything she could not to cry, but inevitabley, two tears slowly rolled down her cheeks but before they cascaded all the way down her beautiful cheek bones, Jonny wiped them away for her. "Me and you against the world, eh?" Jonny said as he held his hand out towards her like he had done hours ago, only then she had been in physical pain during a contraction, and now it was emotional pain. But she knew which one was worse. It was far, far worse.

Slowly, Jac moved her hand from her side and placed it on top of his hand and Jonny let out a sigh of relief that she had for once, not put her barriers up. He lifted her hand up and kissed it out of gratitude before he held her hand tightly, as though he was never going to let her go.

"Don't leave me." Jonny wasn't sure if those words had been in his mind or not because they were so quiet, but when he looked up and saw the pain in her glistening green eyes, he knew those words had come from her lips.

"I'd never leave you." Jonny forced a smile before more tears escaped his eyes and he had to use his sleeve to wipe them away. "You've been so brave." Jonny said admirably. "You're not on your own Naylor. Just trust me to look after you, and you'll never regret it." Jonny stated and they remained in silence for a few moments until the door creaked open and Jean came in.

"Would you like to see her?" Jean asked softly. Jonny looked at Jac because he had already stared at his child for minutes, whilst Jac had only seen a glimpse of her. Though he wasn't surprised when Jac shook her head. "Are you sure?" She asked and Jonny only needed to take a glimpse at Jac's tearful eyes to know the answer.

"We're sure." He stated. Jean understood the look that the poor man was giving so she silently slipped out to leave the pair alone and give them some time to accept the news.

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**One Week Later**

Jac had just gotten dressed after Mr T had discharged her because she was recovering well from her c-section. But that didn't mean that she didn't still experience physical pain. Though that was a kind of pain that she could deal with and that could be fixed with medication. An emotional wound was much harder to heal and though she'd never admit it, she was glad that Jonny was moving in with her to look after her. Not that she needed looking after of course, it was more for... Mutual support, she liked to think. But thankfully, he had done everything correctly. He had prevented any visitors coming to see Jac in the first 24 hours to give her some space and even after that he hadn't let anyone stay for a particularly long time except Elliot. And oddly, Jonny always seemed to know what she had wanted. Whether it was a gentle cuddle, a hand hold, or just some time by herself.

"Are you ready to go?" Jonny asked as he arrived with two coffees.

"You really think I'd spend another minute in here than I have to?" Jac retorted and Jonny smiled as he knew how much she hated the brightly decorated room as well as the frequent visits from the midwives and nurses as they did Jac's obs which she found extremely irritating. Jac stood in her light brown coat and held the coffee whilst Jonny grabbed Jac's suitcase, but it suddenly hit home to jac, that she was going back to her flat without her daughter, and without worrying about her child being in NICU. But for the entire week since she had been born, Jac had been conflicted in her mind as her head tried to tell her that that was a good thing, with no strings attached, and her heart told her otherwise.

"Let's get you home, and I'll run you a nice warm bath to relax in." Jonny said as he slowly began to wheel the small suitcase along with his coffee in the other hand whilst Jac walked next to him with her coffee in one hand as she tried to keep her eyes straight ahead, and ignored the rooms to the sides of here where the occasional baby was crying - all the rooms down that corridor were for recovery and thankfully not full of screaming women. "Y'know, you walk a bit like a zombie." Jonny commented as he noticed her slow footsteps with one arm bent, holding the coffee. Her stitches were causing her pain, and he was sure of it. But he knew that pestering her to ask Mr T for more pain relief would be useless because she was so stubborn and it wasn't worth risking an argument when they were finally getting along so well.

"I think that's one of the symptoms of recovering from a c-section." Jac quipped as she got into the lift and Jonny pushed the ground floor button. He couldn't help but think that, if there was one positive to come out of their daughter's death, then it was that Jac had finally let Jonny in. Not fully of course, and she wasn't about to have an emotional breakdown on his shoulder, but she wasn't pushing him away. And that was a lot of progress that Jac had made in just one week. He could only think about how Jac would change in the coming months towards him and though he knew they would be mourning their child for a while, he knew that they needed something to look forward to. Something that they could focus on in the future to look ahead, rather than looking back. And little did they know, that that something was already being planned for them and a select few of their colleagues by the hospital's CEO. But what would it be?

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**Thank you for reading! This is a prequel to a multi-chapter fic that I'm just about to start writing and I can't tell you what it's called because it will give the plot of it away :) But it may not be up for ages yet as I have other fic ideas, I just wanted to get this oneshot up! Please let me know what you think of this :)**


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